Winter Came...and Everything Changed! My Journey to Lutheranism

Greetings in the Name of our Father, His Gracious Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.

 

You may not know me but I am extremely familiar with From Geneva to Wittenberg Blog.  You see, three (3) years ago my husband and I were Providentially brought to a Lutheran Church and subsequently the Lutheran understanding, which is the true understanding of the Christian faith. 

 

Last week I was asked to join this wonderful team and write for it.  To say I was surprised is an understatement.  Humbled, definitely.  Excited?!  ABSOLUTELY.  You see From Geneva to Wittenberg was my journey as well.  Okay, so I went from Azusa Street to Geneva then Heidelberg to Wittenberg.  Yes, a long journey to end up with the best theology, the clearest Gospel message and the most wonderful understanding of our Savior Jesus Christ (uhm, that the Bible’s story and found most clearly in the Lutheran Confessions).  This site helped me wrestle with my own questions and doubts, fears and spiritual insecurities or lack of true assurance as it probably would be expressed.  My journey may not be the same as yours, but if you’re here I have a suspicion it’s because you too are asking questions.  So, I thought, “Why not begin my entries on this blog with my own story?” (You can get the whole story in my book “The Accidental Lutheran: The Journey from Heidelberg to Wittenberg”.)  So, here we go:

Winter came…and everything changed

There is a popular show on HBO in which the phrase “Winter is coming…” is used in almost every episode.  For my husband, Bobby, and I we changed it a bit because the Winter of 2016/17 came and with it everything we knew and believed changed.

In July 2013 I completed my doctorate degree in Philosophy and Theology with a healthy dose of Apologetics mixed in.  The topic of my dissertation was the proverbial “Problem of Evil”.  Not to be witty, but after I completed this that’s when all my theological problems began.  Well, they weren’t so much problems as they were questions.  See, peering into the “secret things which belong to God” caused me a lot of inward wrestling.  I understood that God is Sovereign and just but now I believe I pressed the teachings of the Dutch Reformed view regarding the elective purposes of God just a bit too far.  The struggle began in my own heart first and then in discussions with Bobby, we both began to wonder about what we had and were still learning within the Dutch Reformed Christian world (hereafter referred to as Reformed). 

 In 2014 we moved from NYC to Idaho and began to attend a Reformed church about 50 miles away in Boise.  From the start we were warmly welcomed and felt as we had found a home in our new home.  We transferred our membership from that of our church on Long Island to the one is Boise and I began to help with the women eventually leading the mid-week Women’s Bible Study.  Going through several series, Romans, Church History and even Calvin’s Institutes, I’d felt a bond of sisterhood amongst many of the ladies.  However, the distance began to take its toll on me, in particular, with regard to friendships.  Living that far away from your church family is hard.  While we’d done that in NY (church was 45 miles away) I was so busy with completing my doctorate that I didn’t feel it too much.  However, here in Idaho I was really beginning to long for close friendships where I didn’t have to drive an hour to see them or them come to see me.  Three years later, Idaho experienced one of the heaviest snow total winters in decades.

Winter came…and EVERYTHING Changed

It began on Thanksgiving evening in 2016 and did not end until the end of April 2017.  Snow…snow…and more snow.  Bobby and I had moved here to Idaho in 2014 and our dear friends would tell us, when we asked about the winters here, “Oh, no problem. We might get 2 or even 4 inches but by noon it is all melted away.”  Ha!  While Winter 2015 did go that way, the winter of 2016 was not going to let up…at all it seemed.  Every weekend there were snow storms.  Not 2 or 4 inches but 10, 16 and 20 inches at a clip.  Over and over we were blocked in.  It was different here than living in the big city.  Back in New York City the plows would be out the moment an inch or two fell.  Not here in small town USA.  The one neighbor in our cul de sac who had a mini plow had moved back east so we were literally stuck. 

Up to this point we had been attending the reformed church in Boise, some 50 miles away.  We loved this little church.  It was growing and they loved to talk about God’s Word and theology even outside of service.  The church we had come from back east highly recommended it to us.  However, getting there in the winter months was proving near impossible.  On top of snow we would have quick thaws and then blistery temperatures would leave sheets of ice all along the route out of our development.  We tried to stay in contact with our new friends the the reformed church but the distance was proving that difficult.  Emails, social media and phone calls were becoming our only connection and those were quickly fading as the harsh winter marched onward with record snowfalls and thick, dangerous ice covered roads. 

I remember joking with my dear friend, Debby, as she was on the east coast for Thanksgiving and how she and her husband would be coming back to the first winter storm.  The Mountains, all covered in white was breathtaking.  As I sat in my home office, I could see the Trinities blanketed in white looking majestic and regal.  However, the snow didn’t stop that weekend and we missed church.  Later that week, everything melted and we thought, great we can get to church the next weekend. 

That changed drastically.  The next snow fell on Saturday and on Sunday was frozen over with a thick layer of ice.  We missed church again.  Well, in 2013 in NYC we had a tough winter so we both thought we would just slog through it.  Then another melt, then a freeze then another storm with more than a foot of snow in a town that usually had 4-6 inches for the entire Winter.  Each week the snow came, melted a bit, then froze over then more snow.  Soon our little cul-de-sac was a skating rink.  Our town had two plows and didn’t come through to our side for months.  Each weekend it seemed more snow fell and we missed church again.

By January we had not been to church since Thanksgiving and I was longing for the preached Word and fellowship with other believers.  This was not happening and both Bobby and I were beginning to feel it.  Then, one Sunday morning, frustrated that we were snowed in again, we looked at the religious channels.  We hadn’t done that since we left the evangelical church.  However, we figured we might find something a bit more biblical than the charismatics and as God providentially directed we did.  This program called Worship for Shut-In. 

However, the struggle with guilt, for missing services week after week, began to weigh heavily like the ice-laden snow in our town. I struggled with not being there with friends, not worshipping with brothers and sisters in Christ, and most of all, not taking the Lord’s Supper.  That was key for me.  I was hungry.  I was hungry for the preached Word but mostly this new hunger for the Word in the Sacrament began to build up in my heart.  The guilt of missing church week after week began to take its toll.  Bobby and I discussed possibly attending the Lutheran church in town (LCMS) but the snow and ice kept us from going local as well.  The hunger grew. The guilt became overwhelming.

Then, one Sunday morning, frustrated that we were snowed in again, we looked at the religious channels.  We hadn’t done that since we left the evangelical church.  However, we figured we might find something a bit more biblical than the charismatics and as God providentially directed we did.  This program called Worship for Shut-In. 

We sat and watched, listened, even sang along with the old hymns.  It was Lutheran.  It was liturgical.  The pastor even wore a white robe.  Well, we knew that some Lutherans were solid Christians and faithful to God’s Word so we watched and were fed.  Afterwards, I looked up the website, connected with it via email and we felt a bit refreshed.  At least we can get the preached Word until Spring…or so we thought.

Winter had come…and everything changed.  Each Sunday, with every weekend snow storm, we would sit ourselves down and together watch Worship for Shut-Ins (now Worship Anew).  I would even sing along with some of the choir pieces and solos that were part of the program when I knew the old hymns.  Some of these hymns, though, we’d never heard.  However, they were rich and deep and I soon came to learn the Lutheran Service Book is filled with hymns that speak of Christ and His Work, salvation by grace alone through faith alone, and the Lord’s Supper…and Baptism as God’s work alone.  We were being fed on good, solid, biblical food.  Then came the longing to share this with other believers each week but this just wouldn’t happen. 

Saturdays we would prepare to go to church in Boise and then…snow and ice…ice and more snow.  Now, because my dissertation was on God’s Providence I was beginning to “get it”.  God was hindering us from heading up to Boise.  The connections on social media were dropping as we missed service after service.  The phone calls began to wain and emails were less and less frequent.  Separated from our church family, no longer just by 50 miles, was beginning to take its toll.  Hungry for more than just a 30 minute program, though that was helping, we longed to join with the body of Christ to worship and praise our Savior and our God.

Bobby and I would talk…well, mostly I would tell him the longing of my heart.  I was missing being with God’s People and if winters were going to be like this one, then we needed to begin attending somewhere in town.  Many times during the week I would ask, “Could we just visit the Lutheran Church here in town?”  His answer would change the course of our lives.  “Sure, go check them out and we can visit.”

I wasn’t sure Bobby was ready to change churches just because I needed something closer to home but he heard my plea and I contacted Worship for Shut-Ins to see what church in town (there were two Lutheran ones we knew of) would be good for us to attend.  A few days later an email came that Faith Lutheran was a member of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, which we knew to be more faithful to God’s Word than the other Lutheran denomination.  I don’t remember if I left a voice mail or sent an email but I contacted Faith Lutheran and determined that the next Sunday we would visit. 

Well, that Sunday came and Bobby was under the weather so I got ready to go to church.  I walked in, took a seat in a pew near the back and sat waiting for the service to begin.  I looked around at the stained glass, the beautiful pulpit and altar in the front and begin going through the hymnal (which is actually a service book with the whole liturgy in it).  Pastor Kellerman approached me and asked if I was Nancy.  I said yes and told him that Bobby was ill so I was there alone that day.  He welcomed me and a few minutes later service began.

I was familiar with most of the order of service but was shocked when Pastor gave absolution to everyone there.  We had corporately confessed our sins as well as had a moment to privately confess them and then the pastor said that he stood in the place of Christ and forgave us.  I was shocked to say the least.  I must have missed this at the Lutheran Church we would visit in Brooklyn, which friends of ours attend, because this just stunned me.  It wasn’t so much that a man was standing there forgiving me as I could read in the service book the words he just said, it was that sense of hearing in my own ears that Christ had forgiven me all my sins that was a bit shocking.  In the Dutch reformed churches you are given assurance your sins are forgiven but here I was being told “Your sins are forgiven you…”  Writing this just doesn’t bring out the impact of that truth but it awakened me within to the reality of hearing from Christ “daughter, your sins are forgiven…”

As the service continued it seemed to focus completely on the work and words of Christ.  Now, the reformed also focus on Christ but there is always this sense that you have to check yourself to make sure you are in the faith.  While that is biblical, the proof is where the waters get muddied.  In the Dutch Reformed church you look at the fruit you’ve produced to make sure you are a Christian and that you have true faith.  However, in this service I was hearing that we are to look at God’s work in our Baptism and that this faith is then fed through the True Blood and True Body of our Lord Jesus in the Sacrament of the Altar, the Lord’s Supper.  In the sermon the pastor reminded us that even as believers we can never follow God’s Law perfectly because we are still sinners, however, Christ did it for us and then gives us Himself in the Body and Blood of the Lord’s Supper to sustain us.  The focus was on this work of Christ which is completely, totally, 100% outside of us.  Faith is given by God through the Sacraments and then sustained in us through Word and Sacrament.

As a reformed gal the Sacraments were not that powerful.  They were “signs and seals” of God’s Work but they were not actually God’s Work.  This service opened my ears to hear God’s call of Absolution and then how He serves us in the Sunday worship service.  As I left, though the Lord’s Supper was not given that Sunday, I was full.  Then, a young man, Dennis, came over, asked my name and if I were married.  I said I was and that my husband was home sick.  His immediate response was, “Oh, we will pray for him.  Hope to see you again next week.”  That greatly impressed me, almost as much as the service itself, though I have to be honest, I was not used to following along with the liturgy through the Service Book.  However, I went home filled with the preached Word of God.  As I shared with Bobby how the service was, the topic of the sermon and how friendly everyone was, he said we could go again next Sunday.

A few weeks later, early May, we received a phone call from the Pastor in Boise.    During the call I shared how we were visiting the Lutheran church in town as the winter had kept us away.  I will never forget his words, “Well, if you have to attend an imperfect church I suppose you have to…”  That struck me in two ways. 

First, throughout our becoming Reformed we were always told that Lutherans are our brothers and sisters in the faith, only that Luther didn’t go as far as he should in reforming the church and Calvin finished Luther’s work of reformation.  Second, was our pastor somehow telling us that Lutherans weren’t a good church? Or was he saying that Lutherans were imperfect while Reformed were perfect?  The first question confused me.  The latter irked me.  I shared this with Bobby and he wondered to me if our pastor thought only the Reformed are perfect? 

The following Sunday we both felt well and the weather was perfect.  The snow had melted, the ice broken up the streams flowing down the curbs and we could finally travel without feeling the highway was dangerous.  However, that phone call providentially redirected us to attend Faith Lutheran again.  We walked into Bible study this time and enjoyed hearing those around us answering questions, reading the texts and interacting with the Sunday School lesson for the day.  We were warmly welcomed and pastor spoke with us again a little more at length. 

The next week, Bobby was having surgery on his foot so we had shared this with some at church.  On the morning of the surgery the doctor had called in the prescriptions for pain and antibiotic medicines.  While at Wal-Mart two of the ladies from church spotted me and immediately asked if Bobby had the surgery already and then prayed with me.  Wow!  Was this a benefit of attending a church closer to home that I would meet fellow members at stores in town?  Having attended a church 50+ miles away, this did not happen.  The joy just overwhelmed me as I shared this with Bobby after his surgery was finished.

That week we decided we would try out the Wednesday Bible Study at Faith Lutheran.  When we arrived pastor gave us a binder with their study, which they’d been working on for about a year already:  The Reformation and Reformers.  We both love Church History and all things reformational and were excited to learn.  Once again we heard of the work of God, how He does all things regarding our salvation; of justification by faith alone through grace alone; of the sacraments; of how many in the reformation would begin denying the Presence of Christ in the True Body and Blood of the Sacrament; denying that baptism actually does something; forgive us of our sins and washes us clean.  I thought I knew reformation history but over the next several months I was learning more and more and the scriptural teachings were becoming clearer each day.  We made our home at Faith Lutheran, becoming members that September.  For us

Winter came…and changed everything.