No One Wants to be a Hyper Calvinist.

OK, so this blog post is just a plea for sanity amongst the Calvinists. The phrase "Hyper Calvinism"  or "Hyper Calvinist"is thrown around a lot in both Calvinist and non-Calvinist circles. The term itself is terribly subjective, but one thing is for sure: nobody actually is one. I say that with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek.

If you ask Phil Johnson, who runs closely with John MacArthur, there are a ton of things that makes one a Hyper Calvinist. Also to be clear, Johnson is a dispensational 5 point Baptist. That's not a Calvinist if you ask most people, because he is not Confessional and doesn't hold to Covenant Theology. At the very least, he's definitely not Reformed. He does hold to the famous TULIP acrostic however. Johnson fired this popular article off in 1998:

Primer on Hyper Calvinism

I was a Calvinist for years. No one wants to be a Hyper Calvinist. Historically, I tend to think Phil Johnson is pretty close to what the term means. That being said, Calvinists who fall into some of these things that Phil Johnson labels Hyper, object to being called Hyper Calvinists. Who wants to be one? It's a derogatory term.

So now there are attempts to define the term sharply. And guess who is doing the defining? Yep. Not hard to figure out.

Anyways, those who fall into the "higher than Calvinism" category, which is labelled Hyper by Phil Johnson, have come up with other definitions.

Is it any shock that the very top of the ladder is "Hyper Calvinism"and it is definied so narrowly that pretty much nobody ever qualifies for it? After all, who wants to be a Hyper Calvinist? It's like a swear word in Calvinist circles.

Here is an example:

6 Levels of Calvinism

There are a few things I find funny about this list. Here they are:

1. Almost no one is a Hyper Calvinist. Pretty much as long as you believe in evangelism, that God is not the author of sin, and human responsibility doesn't exist, you're not a Hyper Calvinist. Well, almost no one believes these things. This redefinition of Hyper Calvinism takes the derogatory term and limits it to 3 or 4 crazy wackos. Really.

2. Lutherans are really just super-low Calvinists. After all, Lutheranism is the 6th and lowest tier on this list. That's nonsense. Lutherans aren't Calvinists, like, at all. Monergists, yeah, we are that. And we're objective in our monergism too.

3. Look at the levels in between what is traditionally called Classical Calvinism (#4 on this list) and Hyper Calvinism. Now instead of being an Orthodox Calvinist (like the CRC, URCNA, maybe the PCA), now you can be a high or ultra-high Calvinist! You don't have to be labeled Hyper anymore! Screw Phil Johnson and traditional Calvinism! We're not Hyper, we're just high.

(Yes, labels are important and usefuland necessary in theology...I'm not denying that)

So really...I think we can explain it like this.

If you smoke one joint, you're a High Calvinist. And by the way, O reprobate, God created you for the sole purpose of damning you for His glory.

If you smoke two joints, you're an Ultra High Calvinist. Now God has nothing but hate for you,O reprobate. And by the way, us elect folks are justified for all eternity.

If you smoke 2 joints and then drink a pot of coffee, only then are you a Hyper Calvinist.

What's next? Can we insert a few more levels please? Hey, he's higher than Ultra-High, but he preaches the Gospel! We can call him a Super-Duper-Ultra-High Calvinist! Yes!

I have a solution to all of this. But of course, I'm a Lutheran and my opinion here is quite irrelevant. But really, how about this: If you're not a traditional Calvinist, just stop using the term. That's not so hard is it? I mean, just eliminate the #1, 2, and 3 categories from this list and call it something else completely, because, you know what? It's not Calvinism. It's something else entirely. Or, just use Phil Johnson's list. He's a Baptist and seems to grasp traditional Calvinism (minus the Covenant Theology and the Confessions) well enough.

And for cryin' out loud, get Lutheranism off this list. We're not part of your theological belief system. And be honest, we're heretics according to Reformed Theology. We believe in baptismal regeneration and the true body and blood of Christ in the Lord's Supper. You know, objective monergism.

Sanity, Calvinists, sanity!!!